Thursday, March 20, 2008

Estate Planning

Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Tea time with the little princess

When I was a baby, someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea,’ which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, “just the cutest thing!”

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, “Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet???”


Friday, March 14, 2008

MINI Cooper advert


Thursday, March 13, 2008

Pay me a compliment

A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I look horrible, and I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment."

The husband replies: "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

He never even heard the shot...

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Pfiezer in the News


NEW YORK, N.Y. ( - Pfiezer will reduce its workforce by an unprecedented 120 percent by the end of 2008, believed to be the first time a major corporation has laid off more employees than it actually has.

Pfiezer stock soared more than 12 points on the news.

The reduction decision, announced Wednesday, came after a year-long internal review of cost-cutting procedures.The initial report concluded the company would save $1.2 billion by eliminating 20 percent of its 108,000 employees.

From there, said a spokesperson, "it didn't take a genius to figure out that if we cut 40 percent of our workforce, we'd save $2.4 billion, and if we cut 100 percent of our workforce, we'd save $6 billion. But then we thought, why stop there? Let's cut another 20 percent and save $7 billion.

"We believe in increasing shareholder value, and we believe that by decreasing expenditures, we enhance our competitive cost position and our bottom line," he added.

Pfiezer plans to achieve the 100 percent internal reduction through layoffs, attrition and early retirement packages. To achieve the 20 percent in external reductions, the company plans to involuntarily downsize 22,000 non-Pfiezer employees who presently work for other companies.

"We pretty much picked them out of a hat,".

Among firms Pfiezer has picked as "External Reduction Targets," or ERTs, are Quaker Oats, AMR Corporation, parent of American Airlines, Lockheed, Boeing, and Charles Schwab & Co.

Pfiezer's plan presents a "win-win" for the company and ERTs, said Chris, as any savings by ERTs would be passed on to Pfiezer, while the ERTs themselves would benefit by the increase in stock price that usually accompanies personnel cutback announcements.

"We're also hoping that since, over the years, we've been really helpful to a lot of companies, they'll do this for us kind of as a favor,".

Legally, pink slips sent out by Pfiezer would have no standing at ERTs unless those companies agreed. While executives at ERTs declined to comment, employees at those companies said they were not inclined to cooperate.

"This is ridiculous. I don't work for Pfiezer. They can't fire me," said Kaili Blackburn, a flight attendant with American Airlines.

Reactions like that, replied the Pfiezer spokesperson "are not very sporting."

Inspiration for Pfiezer's plan came from previous cutback initiatives, said company officials. In January of 1998, for instance, the company announced it would trim 18,000 jobs over two years. However, just a year later, Pfiezer said it had already reached its quota. "We were quite surprised at the number of employees willing to leave Pfiezer in such a hurry, and we decided to build on that,".

Analysts credited the short-term vision, noting that the announcement had the desired effect of immediately increasing Pfiezer's share value. However, the long-term ramifications could be detrimental, said Bear Stearns analyst Beldon McInty.

"It's a little early to tell, but by eliminating all its employees, Pfiezer may jeopardize its market position and could, at least theoretically, cease to exist," said McInty.

The spokesperson, however, urged patience: "To my knowledge, this hasn't been done before, so let's just wait and see what happens."

Wednesday, March 5, 2008